Divorce Quiz - 'To Divorce or Not'
By: Marilyn Gale Vilyus
Are you asking yourself the question, “Should I Get a Divorce?” Of course, no one can answer that question except you!
It’s a tough thing to decide! There is a lot to think about. We want to keep our families together – especially if we have kids.
We may not “believe” in divorce for religious reasons. We may have a very strong ethical commitment that keeps us from pursuing the idea of a divorce.
There is certainly nothing wrong with those convictions! They reflect that you realize how important marriage vows are and that this is not a decision you should make lightly.
However, sometimes we are so committed to our beliefs that we lose sight of the fact that “staying together” is often not the best thing for us –- not even for our kids!!!!
The relationship between you and your spouse is usually the only “role model” for your kids. They learn from you how they will treat their husband or wife; how they will resolve conflict; and what a loving relationship looks like!
What will your kids learn from your marriage relationship?
If you do NOT have kids, is your marriage relationship making you miserable? Is it negatively affecting your whole life?
I know that this is hard, but maybe I can help you look at some issues which can help you come to a decision about how you need to go forward!
Ask yourself the following questions as honestly as you can!:
- When was the last time you and your spouse had sex?
- How satisfying is your sex life?
- Have you “cheated” on your spouse?
- Has your spouse “cheated” on you?
- Do you think marriage counseling would help?
- Have you tried marriage counseling before?
- Do you and your spouse have any interests in common?
- Would you say that you and your spouse lead “separate lives?”
- What do you do together for fun? How often?
- How often do you and your spouse argue?
- Do you make up with each other after you fight – or do the issues just remain unresolved?
- Have either one of you ever reacted physically to the other out of anger – ie. Has your spouse physically hurt you or have you hurt your spouse?
- Have you or your spouse ever called the police during or after an argument?
- Have you or your spouse ever filed a police report for domestic abuse?
- Do you have financial problems?
- Do you blame your spouse for your financial problems?
- Do you blame your spouse for not working, not being able to hold a job, or for running up credit debt?
- Do you consider your spouse your “friend?”
- Do you look forward to spending time with your spouse?
- Do you share the same or similar religious beliefs?
- Would you “care” if your spouse filed for divorce?
- Do you think that you and your spouse have “grown apart?”
- Have your kids ever asked you if you and your spouse are going to get a divorce?
- Does your spouse have a problem with illegal drugs, prescription drugs, depression or alcohol?
- Do you feel depressed or hopeless about your relationship?
- Do you feel “happy” in your marriage?
- Do you find yourself becoming more frequently attracted to persons other than your spouse?
- Do you think that you got married too young?
- If this is not your first marriage, do you think that you “jumped into” a new marriage too soon after your last spouse died or you were divorced?
- Have you ever told yourself that you were staying together “for the sake of the kids!”
- Do you and your spouse show each other signs of affection?
- Do you look forward to spending time together?
- Do you and your spouse respect each other?
- Do you and your spouse trust each other?
- Do you and your spouse like each other?
- Do you consider yourselves “soul mates?”
- Have you told your spouse what’s bothering you?
- Have you done everything possible to work out your problems in your marriage?
- Do you love each other?
There is no “score” to pass or fail this “test!” Even story-book couples will experience problems in their marriage to some degree!
I know that deciding to divorce or to stay together is difficult, but, I hope that the above questions can help you in your “thinking process!” I am confident in you and your ability to make the right decision!